Whether it’s the house of someone you’ve just started dating or a new friend, pooping away from home can be all kinds of anxiety-inducing.
In fact, using a different toilet can be so traumatic, some people flat out refuse to do it. But what if you can’t avoid pooping at someone else’s house? Here are some of the steps you might have taken, attempting to navigate this weirdly intense situation.
1. Under no circumstances am I pooping here today.
I will hold it in for as long as I have to.
2. Suddenly, poop is all I can think about.
Let me think of something else. Anything else.
3. Is there such a thing as poop anxiety?
The more I think about pooping, the more I need to poop.
4. My body has a mind of its own.
Wait, that’s not a good sign.
5. Best to avoid the following outcome.
Not today, Satan.
6. Can’t hold it in any longer.
Now is the time for bravery.
7. Christmas can’t come fast enough. And by Christmas, I mean poop.
8. Why is it suddenly so quiet?
Can everyone hear me for, like, five square miles?
9. This isn’t so bad.
But did I lock the door?
10. Is it written all over my face?
Does everyone know what just happened? And if they do... is that maybe OK?
11. Achievement unlocked.
I am invincible! Until next time.
Amy Mackelden is currently developing a show called , about what multiple sclerosis is really like. Follow her on Twitter .